5 Quotes from the Saints to Remember for an Anxious Day
People ask me how I "hold it together" or tell me I seem "so strong" in the face of adversity. I smile and inform them that I have a diagnosed psychological disorder called GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and no, I don't pretend to always have it together. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So when and if I don't have it together, believe me, you'll know it. If I've been triggered to have an anxiety attack, everyone knows it. My secret isn't a true secret. How I survive? By the grace of God. I let everyone know that I sit at the cross. I turn to my faith to help me. You'll see my name in the adoration chapel sign in. You'll see me rosary in hand. Peak in my handbag, you'll see multiple prayer books, a bible and usually a Mother Teresa book too.
*I am not a good friend...Daughter.
*I need to be a better mother... Wife... Sister.
*I should've done more today.
*I should be able to care for the kids and go to work...I must be lazy.
*That meal sucks.
*My clothes are tight...I must be too fat.
*Don't take that picture! I look hideous.
*No one cares what I have to say.
*I shouldn't have said that.
*If only I was more charitable, I'd have more friends.
*No one gets back to me because they don't like me.
*See that smile? Yeah, they are just feeling sorry for me.
Satan loves to use these thoughts through my anxiety attacks. It's a tactic many in the church have talked about for a very long time. (Let me make this perfectly clear: I am not saying that psychological disorders are made up. They are legitimate medical concerns. I have saught medical help in the past and will again if I need to. Doctors and medicine are wonderful things. Presently, I have not needed medical assistance for 5 years. And I went all of Bernadette's medical journey without an anxiety attack at all. But there are people who need doctors and medication daily, and that's okay too! I'm saying that when my anxiety is heightened, I can feel a spiritual attack coming on.) This is not perfectionism. I know I am not and can never achieve perfection. However, yes, my GAD does make me weak at times.
And here's how I remember to pick up my cross and follow Him:
1."We are not the sum of our weakness and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son." - St. Pope John Paul II
2. "If God let's you fall into some weakness, it is not to abandon you, but only to establish in you humility and make you more careful in the future... Walk with simplicity in the ways of the Lord and do not torment your spirit."- St. Padre Pio
3. "Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. The gift of grace increases as the struggle increases."- St. Rose of Loma
4. "A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, and must empty ourselves. Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your weakness." -St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
5. "He did not say you will not be troubled, you will not be tempted, you will not be distressed. But He did say you will not be overcome." -St. Jose Maria Escriva
It's a comfort to know, on the most difficult of days, that others out there have fought with their own anxiety demons and conquered them with the belief that Christ's love is more powerful than any chemical imbalance in the brain.
I'm sure there will be some who don't like this. I'm sure I'll regret being open and honest with everyone. But I'm also sure that sharing this will give me joy-- the joy of helping another who suffers in silence.
Don't listen to the negatives in your own head. You are worth it. You're worth Christ's love. How amazing is that?
With joy,
Kate