Being Open to God's Plan

So I had three different blog posts started. Two I had immense writers block on and one I had 650 beautifully written words on overcoming anxiety. My app that I use froze and caused the post to be lost. I can't remember a single word of what I had written.

Moral to that little anecdote? God's plan isn't always what you want it to be. It's not a topic unheard of for a lot of people. Maybe you went to school with this drive to be a doctor and discovered that you couldn't pass biology. Maybe you love music but you can't make your fingers work on a piano. Maybe you appreciate the ballet or Monet's lilies but your legs are short and you're prone to tripping or stick figures are your specialty.

The same is true in parenting. I've known several families that had lost their babies. I know for a fact they didn't sign up for that. All my children are living. However, when I gave birth to Bee, my plan for our family didn't involve words like cancer, surgical complications, TPN, liver failure, rush Make-a-Wish, transplant, DNR, trach, among many others. My original plan never included how to manage living in the hospital with one child while trying to parent two others. But that person would have also planned a very secular life. That person didn't believe in miracles. That person was sad, angry and pessimistic.

Over time, my heart softened. Over time, I sat at the foot of the cross. It was His plan all along. God's plan included witnesses miracle after miracle. God's plan included Bee bringing many people down to their knees and back to church. God's plan included me finally entering the church. God's plan included Danny and myself learning how to work together in a marriage. God knew better. God gave me what I never knew I always wanted. It took time. It took a lot of heartache but I know it's better than whatever I could have come up with. Yes, even amidst all that heartache, I started to learn what joy is and how it make life feel so much better.

The hardest part is learning to let go and trust Him. Having trouble letting go in the moment. Try saying the simple prayer "Thy will be done." It's simple and to the point. His will always wins out. His plan trumps all.

With joy, in Him,

Kate